Passionate

(I prefer to avoid one-word titles, since it's easier to reuse that word in a title if the previous time that it was used it also included lots of other words along with it...but it will have to do.)

I haven't written a blog in a while, and since I haven't been feeling particularly artsy, I'll post something here instead. Plus, I feel like I could probably help y'all see that I'm a little more balanced by showing parts of me that are in opposition (...maybe) with my last post, and with some generally held beliefs about my...emotionality.

(Also, someone else told me that they like the way I write, so I thought I could write some more. Hi auntie! :P )

As expressed (I think) in my previous post, I'm highly interested in gender relations and relationship dynamics. This interest (and the "knowledge" I've gained) makes it so that either, many friends come to me for advice, or so that it naturally comes up in conversation. (You could accuse me of being "naturally" prone to leading conversations there, also. Haha...) Sadly, much of the time, I seem to come across to these folk as a bit of a pessimist when it comes to Love (how people infer that, I have no idea!), but I believe that it has a lot more to do with people coming to me with, honestly, really antiquated/unrealistic/narrow-minded/downright childish beliefs about Love. (HARSH.........I know.) With that, I feel the need to tell my side of the story...or, just one story that sheds some light on what my side is, while still leaving it ambiguous enough. (That's more my style anyhow.)

Anywho, during a text message conversation with a lady friend, I got all passionate about it and this came out:

"The only time that love "fails" is when people put unreasonable expectations on it. If you believe romantic love will last forever, that it will right all of the wrongs in your life, that it gives you the right to act like a psycho and/or like a child, and that it will mean that you will not become sexually attracted to, or fall in love with, anyone else, then YES. Love will fail..."

Wow. You gotta admit, that's pretty good shit for something found in a text message! Of course, I reposted it on Facebook, and followed it up with a comment that said "[...] I see too many relationships ruined by the silly, fairy tale ideas that people carry around with them." in regards to my reason for posting it. Enough people appreciated it, but I'm also sure that there were those among the silent that are angered by my ideas. I know a few too many people that would rather keep hearing the fairy tales, and find anything that punctures holes of reality through the fantasies extremely repulsive. It's pretty sad, but I see it all of the time with some of these people.

My statement above is pretty self evident, self contained, and self explanatory, so I won't dissect it without a request. But with that, you be the judge: Does my belief about Love scream that I'm against it? If you think it does, I would suggest going and brushing up on your reading comprehension, because you're mistaken. What I ask, and hope for, is for people to get their heads out of the clouds and get real about Love. Is it so hard just looking at the facts, laid out in plain sight by our lives, and accept them? Can we grow up and stop throwing tantrums, since they won't change anything? Who are you fighting and/or hurting, but your own damn self, by propagating and perpetuating maladaptive beliefs?

Here, I want to share a great example of why I see this as such an ill: Another lady friend, who I helped to see and accept her own (natural and perfectly normal) inclination towards non-monogamy, came to me for advice on a love interest. She wanted to know what she could do to make him want to settle into a monogamous relationship with her. She described how they'd been dating for a little while, and how they have such great times together, but that he doesn't want to be in a relationship. So I went, "Whoa, whoa, whoa! So...everything is going great, and you want to change things...why?" She explained how she thought things will just be better if they go exclusive. So I let her know that all she will probably do by pushing it is to push him away, and also reminded her about her recent realization that maybe, just maybe, sexual monogamy isn't what she really wants, when she blew up with "I don't give a damn if it doesn't last and I just end up getting hurt because of my expectations, I *WANT* the bullshit fairy tale!"

Whoa...

Now do you see the sickness that I'm fighting? Knowing and understanding yourself and others, yet going along with sick, psychotic (People as property?...yeah, no. Sorry, but that's pretty psychotic) beliefs, that you've never seen functioning properly, because the fantasy just "seems" nicer? It's sick, and it's sad. Yeah, she got him to comply. Yeah, she got him to feel bad enough to go along with the whole "exclusive" relationship thing. Then, a week or so later, she's single, and angry, and they'll probably never talk again. If she'd have just accepted her truth, had faith that his truth is the same, and left things as they were, they would still be having some great times together. But, this society's psychotically possessive fairy tale, that fails to acknowledge or respect human nature, sexuality, and autonomy, but that seems so sweet and rosy on the surface, wouldn't give her validation until she destroyed the very connection that she so badly wanted to keep. It's almost poetic.

The result is, I get to keep hearing and seeing "FUCK LOVE!" and "There's not such thing as love!" from people foolish enough to buy the damn fairy tale they've been fed, and indignantly ignorant enough to not look at, and accept, the reality around them.

And that's about all I want to say on the subject.

J, out...